


wolf at the door

by pheonix85



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Grief/Mourning, Peter is in college, Photographs, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Spoilers, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2020-02-07 08:09:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18616621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pheonix85/pseuds/pheonix85
Summary: SPOILERS FOR ENDGAMESet 5 years after Endgame, Peter is helping Morgan with a school project when he encounters a photo he wasn't aware of before.





	wolf at the door

**Author's Note:**

> i've been crying intermittently for the last 24 hours (i've seen it twice) and then I saw a [tumblr post](https://bombshellsandbluebells.tumblr.com/post/184466062704/ok-but-is-peter-ever-going-to-know-that-tony-did) and got an idea and wrote this. idk why I decided to set it so far in the future? but i did so, here it goes. hopefully it's a little cathartic, idk.

“So what exactly are we doing here? Arts & crafts or…”

 

Morgan Stark rolled her eyes. At nearly 21 years old, Peter Parker felt adequately shamed by the 9-year-old. “No,” She replied pointedly, drawing out the “o” like it was the dumbest thing she’d ever heard. “We have to get family pictures and then tell stories about them for school.”

 

Peter pushed himself from where he was leaning against the door frame in the spare room, biting back a smile. “I still don’t know what _I’m_ doing here. When I told you I’d be around if you ever needed help, I meant like, if kids were being mean to you or if you needed a ride somewhere or----”

 

“I _asked_ you because you were friends with daddy,” She lifted a box from the shelf and walked it over, dropping it at his feet with a thud. “I asked my mom to help, and she told me some cool stories but she said that I should talk to Uncle Rhodey and Uncle Happy and you.” She grinned up at him. “She said you’d have some really good ones.”

 

Peter swallowed. He wasn’t quite so sure about _that_. Most of his time with Mr. Stark had been spent in the lab at the Compound or the occasional assist with some bad guys. Sometimes that entailed dinners and staying the weekend and watching movies…

 

He smiled a little, crouching down to open the box. He supposed there were probably some good stories; stories that didn’t seem like that big of a deal at the time but now…

 

The box was full of unframed photos, prints and prints stuffed in envelopes. Peter made a confused face, grabbing a handful of them and lifting them from the box.

 

“Mom had them printed from Daddy’s server so that we could cut and paste them onto the poster board.”

 

“So there _are_ arts and crafts.”

 

The tired look he received was almost identical to Tony’s, and while Peter’s heart ached for it, he couldn’t help but grin.

 

“Alright, alright, I got it. Are these organized at all...he never _took_ pictures, where did she get all of these?”

 

Morgan shrugged. “Mom said he had camera’s when he worked, so maybe from videos and stuff? I don’t know.”

 

He shrugged and began to look through them. They weren’t that well organized, but it was kind of fun to dig into, seeing all of the photos of Tony and the Avengers, and Pepper, and Happy, even more than he expected of him and Tony. He grabbed one, laughing at it; a goofy selfie Peter had taken when he thought Tony wasn’t looking but there it was in the corner, almost off screen, Tony’s hand curled under Peter’s arm, his middle finger in the air.

 

“Lemme see---”

 

“Eh, I don’t know,” Peter said with a grin. “That one might not be appropriate for the 3rd grade. Here, let’s keep look---”

 

The words faded away into a sigh, mouth dropping open. He slid a photo from the stack that was peeking out and he held it up, his mouth parted just a bit.

 

He and Mr. Stark were standing side by side, smiles on both of their faces. Tony had his arm around his shoulder, and Peter remembered this photo, clear as day. A front, he knew, that he had to maintain for everyone in his life that the internship was an actual thing. The certificate, the associated letter Tony signed off on _himself_ , the photo---all of it had been Tony’s idea, something to _sell it_. Peter remembered looking up at him during their shoot, in the middle of Tony teasing Pepper about something and wondering how he had gotten here, interning with a billionaire superhero who seemed to believe in someone like him.

 

They had driven Pepper _crazy_ that day. They had both wasted multiple shots, poking each other in the side, or making dumb faces and it was only when Pepper had turned apparently murderous that they settled in and got it right.

 

Peter’s heart ached. He looked up at where Morgan was, digging through her own box across from him; he hoped she’d seen that side of him. He hoped she’d remember it, the way that Tony’s eyes would glint when he grinned as he executed a particularly ridiculous joke, the expression of self-satisfaction they were all so used to finding it's way onto his face.

 

He hoped she remembered all of it.

 

Lost in his thoughts, he hadn’t noticed she’d clued into his stare. “What? What do you have, let me see…”

 

This time, he held out the photo. This may be an okay one, though he was hesitant to include himself as if he were someone to the Starks. Peter was well known enough; he’d been around Tony and the Avengers under the guise of his internship enough that his face was at least recognizable. But a school project felt...intimate. Tony was Morgan’s dad and this felt strange, like he was trying to insert himself somewhere he may not belong.

 

Morgan’s face lit up at the sight of it. She grinned. “I know that picture. That’s like the one Daddy kept in his workshop.” And she bent back down over her box, continuing to dig through the mess.

 

Peter’s chest tightened a little. “Workshop?”

Morgan looked up at him, wide eyes as if she didn’t understand his question. “Yeah. In the garage. Daddy used to go out there all the time. He’d let me stay if I didn’t touch anything.” She tilted her head. “Daddy put the picture in there when he was working on the time machine.”

 

Peter froze. He looked down at the photo in his hand, now wrinkling under his grip. “What do you mean?”

 

She frowned at him, clearly irritated at him interrupting their search with inane questions. “I don’t know. I just heard Mom tell Uncle Happy one time that Daddy decided to fix the world when he found it.”

 

She looked as if she’d had it with his questions. She scowled and began to dig again, a momentary glare serving as a warning. He’d have laughed if his insides weren’t turning to ice.

 

He pulled the photo back, shoving it in his jacket pocket, and pushed himself to his feet. “Hey, Mor, I’m gonna run...to the bathroom real quick, okay? I’ll be back in a second. Make sure you save anything you wanna use, okay?”

 

Morgan nodded without looking up, focused on the task at hand and barely paying him any attention. A wobbly smile found his face.

 

She was like Tony a lot.

 

He walked backward out of the spare room and headed towards the garage, stopping in front of the door. He hadn’t gone in here since just after the battle with Thanos. He’d offered to help Pepper clean up some of the last of Tony’s things just after and that had been...terrible. Terrible to watch a widow sort through her daughter’s father’s things; terrible to see how Tony had tried to put his life back together, having done so well and still fallen short.

 

Peter almost didn’t go in. But he bit his lip and pressed his hand against the door, pushing it open.

 

It was...a garage.

 

There were a few cars. It was big by any standard, bigger than any normal two car garage. Off to the far end was a workbench. Dummy and U were in the corner, covered by heavy tarps, not having been used in years.

 

That was a shame. He’d loved Dummy.

 

Tony could be messy in the middle of a project but once he was done, he was pretty meticulous with cleaning up the clutter. Peter had helped Pepper box up most of the big stuff, but Tony had been good about putting away papers and folders on the desk in the corner of it all and so they’d left it alone, all those years ago. Now, he headed over slowly, uncertain of what he would find.

 

There, just as Morgan had said, were framed photos behind the closed laptop on the shelf.

 

One of Pepper in a simple white wedding dress, out in the woods. One of newborn Morgan, held by Pepper in the hospital as Tony stood beside her with a grin, another framed photo of toddler Morgan, an old photo from college with Tony and Rhodey, and then…

 

Peter reached out to pick it up. The frame was a little dusty, and he wiped at it with the sleeve of his jacket. It _was_  similar to the print he’d found in the box but this was different. Tony was making a face, Peter had on a stupid, exaggerated grin and they were giving each other bunny ears. Out of the two, Tony had chosen the one that they’d produced while they were fucking around with the camera and Peter couldn’t help but laugh.

 

_I just heard Mom tell Uncle Happy one time that Daddy decided to fix the world when he found it._

 

Something curled deep inside of Peter’s stomach, a pit forming that was making him feel sick.

 

Tony did this because of him. Him _specifically_.

 

Tony had died because of him.

 

He grabbed onto the frame with both hands and spun towards the entryway of the garage. He had known that Tony had been torn up after the Snap. Who hadn’t? Who in the entire Universe had not mourned their losses? He'd known that the Avengers had tried everything and that some, more than others, had needed persuading to go along with the time travel scheme but this?

 

This was different. This was specific. This was….

 

It was so personal. Peter felt his legs shake, but he pushed forwards, into the house where the garage connected, up the stairs and around the banister, and he found himself walking into Pepper’s office without an announcement, the frame still clutched in his hands.

 

Pepper looked up from her work and she smiled. “Peter! Hey.” She pushed back a little from her desk, folding her hands in her lap. “Morgan wearing you out already?”

 

“What is this?” Peter pushed the framed picture across the desk so it rested on top of Pepper’s keyboard. A soft smile graced her face.

 

“Aw. I love this photo,” She reached down and picked it up, trailing her fingers over Tony’s face. “He loved this picture too.” She looked up at Peter, smile widening. “You know, we didn’t really often take actual photos, and when we moved in, he wanted---”

 

“Did Mr. Stark do what he did because of me?”

 

Pepper’s expression dropped. Peter saw the muscles in her neck tense, saw the grip on the frame tighten.

 

“Tony did what he did to undo the Snap. He did it for everyone, Peter.”

 

“But he wasn’t going to at first, right?” Peter walked a little closer to the desk. “I’ve heard Bruce mention it, I’ve heard he and Clint even joke about how they had to talk him into it.” He looked down at the picture. “Morgan said she heard you tell Happy that he started working on the time travel stuff after he saw this picture, specifically. That he took it with him into the garage.”

 

Pepper was very still. She was silent for a few moments before placing the framed photo on the table and looking up at him.

 

“Peter,” She began softly. “You know how Tony could be. After everything that happened, with Morgan and this place, he was...he just had to think about it for a while is all.”

 

“That’s not what I asked,” Peter crossed his arms. “Was it because of _me_?”

 

She watched him carefully. When she spoke, it was measured. “I think the photo was just a reminder of the things that were worth fighting for.”

 

“Why did you let him do that?” Peter asked breathlessly. “I lost my parents when I was four too, you know. I barely even remember them!” He felt tears burn at his eyes but didn’t bother to wipe them away.

 

“Because I knew he would never have been able to be really happy if he thought there had been a chance, even a small one, to get you back and he didn’t try.” She shook her head. “He’d never have forgiven me if I had forbidden it, not really.” She looked up at him sadly. “I wanted you back too, Peter.”

 

“That was the wrong decision,” He pressed his index finger to the desk, seething with every word. “She’s not even gonna remember him!”

 

“Why do you think I told her to call _you_?” Her expression was pained, eyes squinted up at him. She pushed away from the desk and stood up.

 

“I don’t know why. I was his _intern_ , Pepper. His lab assistant. I hung out and I annoyed the hell out of him, on purpose, I---"

 

“You  _do_ know why. And you know that's bullshit." She circled around the desk, standing a few feet away from him, hands pressed into fists at her side. "You know Tony thought of you as---”

 

“Pepper. Please.” Peter's voice cracked. “God, why was he  _so stupid?_ ”

 

“He could be,” She granted. “But he wasn’t about this. You have no idea how happy it would have made him to get to see you at MIT. To see you have a life, Peter.”

 

He thought about the last time he’d seen Mr. Stark before he’d wielded the Infinity Gauntlet. How Mr. Stark’s face had morphed into shock and wonder, and then some kind of relief. He’d thought a lot about that hug over the years, tried to close his eyes and think about how Mr. Stark had held him for a few seconds in the chaos, tried to figure out what it meant.

 

_You know Tony thought of you as---_

 

He’d cut her off because he didn’t want to hear that. It had been 5 years since that day with Thanos. Tony had been gone five years, and Peter had had his share of bad days about it but they had gotten fewer and further between as time went on. With school and his part-time job at the paper, he didn’t have time to see Pepper and Morgan that often. He didn’t want to spend his weekend with them dwelling on it.

 

“Do you mind if I lay down for a little bit?” He asked quietly. “Just...let Morgan know I’ll help her later tonight, if that’s okay, I just…” He swallowed. “I just kind want to take a few minutes, if that’s okay.”

 

“Of course. I’ll let Morgan know not to bother you, but we’ll shout up when supper is ready.”

 

He nodded quietly.

 

“Peter.”

 

He looked up at her and saw pity in her face. His cheeks burned and he could feel the tears in his eyes and he rubbed at them, shrugging off the look as he turned away from her with a sniff.

 

“I know it’s hard. I know there are good and bad days. But I want it to be clear that Tony loved you. And Tony did what he did because of that. And nothing---honestly, not even me----would have stopped him.”

 

“I know.” He said softly, his throat thick. “I loved him too.”

 

He left without another word and she let him go. They hadn’t talked about this in a long time---hadn’t talked really about Tony. He was always there, of course; Morgan was there, and there were tons of photos in the main house, and his memory was there but _talking about him,_ Tony; how they felt about what had happened, that was best left untouched and now that they had raised it, his legs felt like lead finding their way to the spare room he often stayed in.

 

He closed the door quietly behind him and fell onto the bed, curling into a ball. He heard Pepper head down the stairs and into the spare room where Morgan was surely working and he closed his eyes; dinner would be in a few hours anyway and they could get back to her homework and maybe then, maybe Peter would be in a better place. For now, though…

 

He closed his eyes tight. Tony would have never done this except for Peter. Tony had his life _together_. He had everything he’d wanted, he’d had his daughter and he was married, Tony had his farm on a lake and his privacy, he’d had _peace_.

 

He’d rolled the dice on it all to get Peter back, and he’d lost. Tony lost.

 

 _Because of him_.

 

Peter buried his face in the pillow. It’d been a couple of years since he’d really let go. There were days where a dark mood would take over but it was rare, now, for him to be completely consumed by the grief. It would still appear occasionally, often prompted by something like this---a wolf at the door, ready to pounce and sometimes, Peter found, the best thing to do was to let it in and get through it.

 

He stared at a spot on the wall for a while. The sun was setting, he could tell, and so dinner would be ready soon. He wanted to be okay enough to eat. He didn’t want to worry Morgan or Pepper, though he assumed no one would understand it as much as she might.

 

His gaze passed to the clock on the side table and he flopped onto his back. He needed to get it together. He took a few deep breaths. And then he thought about it---let himself sink back into those last few days with Tony, their trip to Titan, the battle at the Compound...

 

Peter wished they could have had a little bit more time, even just a few minutes. He wished he could have thanked him. He wished he could have told Tony that he loved him too.

 

Peter really hoped that he knew that.

 


End file.
